Why the need and desire to Show-off?

Will Smith once said, “Too many people spend money they haven’t earned to buy things they don’t need to impress people they don’t like”. This quote has become a reality especially in today’s world in which big cars and luxury gadgets are mostly brought to show your neighbour that you are doing well off in your life. There is complete absence of ‘prioritising’ and ‘living within oneself’. With this, life has become much more complicated than it was earlier. A lot of materialism has crept in our minds and it simply has put pressure on us to earn big so that we can spend it big time. I mean people today are driven by a rage to impress others, proving a point or two, keeping up with the pace in social circles. I fail to comprehend this, because you get highly worked up earning the money and then fret over the ways to spend it. I believe none of those activities give you the satisfaction which you secretly crave for.

I know a lot of men who say ‘My image will take a beating if I drive a small car’; ‘I need to buy an expensive phone to suit my status’. I cannot figure out why he perceives that his image will be judged on the basis of his car or his phone or other expensive possessions and not his character. As a result, those men want a bigger car which puts in a lot of pressure on his finances and in the process there are no savings. All this, just for the sake of impressing the people who see them for two minutes arriving and departing. This disease to impress spreads rather quickly. Same is the case with women, they buy high end clothes, bags and what not just to keep up in their respective social circles. Their worth is in congruence to their material holdings. Even in marriages people look for a bride/groom who has achieved big academically or professionally and not look for the character, his/her values, other qualities etc. which I believe are more important than anything else. This is nothing but a rat race.

This desire to impress others stems from a kind of an ‘insecurity’ which many people suffer from. They need admiration or a sort of an approval from their friends and others to put to rest all the self doubts and the lack of self esteem that they carry with them all the time. It is also interesting to note that some people do not wish to show off but are forced to do so because of the unspoken rules. Like for most of the other things in our country, we wait for someone else to assume the mantle for us and do things for which we have a strong inclination to do so. 

And studies have proven the fact that people who are more attracted towards amassing material wealth for indulging in ‘show-off’ lack satisfaction and mostly they keep on complaining about how others have a better wife, children, car etc and much more. These people live in a cocoon and a prison surrounded by their own perceptions. They think have ‘a life’ but they seriously need ‘to get a life’.

We, as human beings constantly need to evolve and look into areas to improve ourselves and this is where we can probably help ourselves by just confining ourselves to our own needs and remain satisfied, happy and contented in life. Money can buy you most things but not satisfaction and happiness. And happiness is the true essence of life. The actual joy of life is in being what you are.

In the Sunset of Their Lives, Do Our Elderly get What they deserve?

Ours is a nation of young people. We celebrate youthful exuberance, fearlessness, sometimes brashness too but in a nation that celebrates, adores and focuses way too much on youngsters and their dreams, there are citizens who are in the twilight of their lives and face a lot of problems which do not get the same mention as that of any other issue facing us. The people to whom I am referring to have loads of experience, knowledge of various sorts, amazing foresights derived from the ugly turns of life that they have dealt with. Our senior citizens or elderly people get the rough end of the stick everywhere in life with high medical bills coupled with poor health care facilities, rising costs of living and their own children ditching them.

The traditional values lay stress on giving respect and taking care of older people and this has been challenged these days. Our family values are changing or have changed quite a lot with nuclear families being preferred over the traditional joint families because of generational gaps, change in lifestyles. Even when they are living together there is rampant marginalization, isolation, and emotional insecurity being felt by the elderly. This has a lot to do with our changing priorities. Now, accumulating wealth or professional success is on the top of the tree for most of us and in the process our elderly people are neglected.

There are currently 90 million senior citizens in our country and this number is expected to cross 170 million in the next 25 years. Apart from the economic and health problems the elders are also subjected to a lot of abuse with son and daughter in law being the prime abusers (according to a survey by HelpAge India). Elders from the lower socio economic strata are in an even worse situation. Another shocking statistic is that 75% of those who faced abuse lived with the family and 69% were owners of the house in which they were living. With a view to safeguard the interests of the senior citizens the government has come up with several bills like The Maintenance and Welfare of Parents and Senior Citizens Act, 2007, National Policy of Older persons among others. But, most of the elderly refrain from reporting those instances of abuse which is very sad.

And, one thing which is often ignored is the fact that our upbringing comes with a view that ‘Provider is the dictator’ and parents control their kids’ choices right till the very end and when that kid grows the roles are reversed and then the parents face the music of his dictatorship. This overemphasis on money and the continuance of the tradition of controlling the kids hampers the growth of the children. Parents should respect, love and value their offspring and not boss over him/her. This patriarchal mindset will not improve the relationship. The parents should lead by example by displaying love and affection towards their own parents and I think that’s the best way to teach a kid how to respect elders.

But, over and above it’s really sad to see them isolated, lonely and devoid of any emotional security whatsoever. It’s still the job of children to take care of their parents no matter how old they get. It should not be about doing it out of compulsion but it should be out of love and care. I have seen some of the older people doing petty jobs to survive just because all their property was swallowed up by his son. Such stories shatter my faith in humanity and bring tears. I wish that all those elders who have been betrayed by their own blood get immense strength and courage to fight for their rights against their son(s). Let us pledge to respect our elders; they have a lot to offer. 

One quote of Francis Bacon with which I’d like to end this;

‘The joy of the parents are secret and so are their grief’s and fears’.  

To Rahul Dravid, with respect, love and lots of admiration.

Last week, Rahul Dravid played his last match at the Ferozeshah Kotla Grounds, Delhi. The last gentleman left in the gentlemen’s game has bid adieu to the game. There was a hollow feeling growing within me since his retirement last year but now with him not around anymore there is just sadness and nothing else. I was a little school going boy around seven years old when I first saw him and he became my role model quite instantly. It was like I grew up watching him. He and VVS were like a family to me. His game, his way of talking, calmness and composure and I think I can go on endlessly. The list of things which attracted me towards him is way too long to describe.

Turning back the clock, I always used to defend him in front of anyone who dared to speak against him in front of me back then. I wonder how much life has changed. I am grown up, I do not collect pictures and articles written on him which I used to do when I was a shy school going boy. Now, when he is going away I wonder why did I grow up. Whenever he made a hundred I used to get good sleep. He made me love the game of cricket. And his exit now, means that cricket will be poorer in every sense. His epic partnership with VVS at Eden Gardens in 2001 will remain in hearts forever. All his hundreds stood out but the ones like Hamilton-1999, Kolkata-2001, Headingly-2002, Adelaide-2003, Mohali-2008, Lord’s-2011 are still very special.

I was able to witness the best part of his career which was during 2000 to 2006 and it was a sheer joy to see him score hundreds in all parts of the world. Then, came a difficult period for him but notched up an amazing hundred against England in the foggy conditions at Mohali in 2008-09. He has always been a team man and has performed almost all the roles in the game. His calm demeanor during criticism made me admire him a lot more. Make no mistake; Dravid is an amazing individual with a strong mind. He is a brilliant orator too.

I hope to see more of him as a commentator or in any role. But, I want to see him. And thanks to him, I was hooked on to cricket and I had a tear in my eye when he left the field after getting out in the CLT20 final. I couldn’t sleep because of the reason that he won’t be there the next morning playing cricket. It felt as if my sister was getting married and will be going away from me. As the case with Rahul Dravid is, a part of me has gone away with him. It is like a family member going away with no chance of returning back.

Today Rahul Dravid, as you move on from cricket, I wish you all the very best for the future with wet eyes. You have given me a lot of joy and pleasure. You are the greatest cricketer I have ever known. Miss you.!

The Best Thing About 'You' is 'You'; A Review

I have always admired Anupam Kher’s acting skills and his other endeavours but now as a writer, his first book is just like his acting; simple, precise and impressive. All, at the same time. The book, bracketed into 50 chapters is a collection of events in the actor’s life. The idea behind the book is to inculcate positive thinking in daily life and in a way it prepares you for the journey called ‘life’. It outlines the solutions for some of the problems which we face in our day to day life. It is replete with author’s insights on varied topics from success to failure to discontentment.

The first few chapters help the reader to get to the bottom of the problem. The chapters such as ‘We are all unhappy’, ‘The Anger Syndrome’ provide some practical solutions to our problems through examples. The book explains the need for a positive outlook towards life despite the negativity which exists in the world. As the book continues it explains each and every aspect in a very lucid and simple way which a dis-satisfied soul can easily decipher. It talks about some solutions to come out of a shell and become a better human being.

Mr. Kher also presents some examples which help in understanding the problems. He wants people to come out of their inhibitions and use their energies to the maximum. There are some aspects of the book which I loved, like it asks you to be yourself, be honest and fearless, facing your fears, living in present.

Overall, the most impressive part of the book is that it is neither preachy nor impractical. The author insists that solutions to our problems lie deep within ourselves only. We need to look within ourselves. To explain all these points, the author quotes many examples from his experiences or from different books. The advice may be old but the humility with which it is been described makes this book stand out from others.

‘The best thing about you is you’ is a very useful, readable and recommendable book because of the way it’s been written with examples and anecdotes managing to touch the depths of the heart and soul. Mr. Kher has been very humble and polite with his words throughout the course of the book. The book makes reading an enchanting experience and even if it would have gone longer I wouldn’t have complained.      

Dealing with discontentment in life

Discontentment is a disease. It will keep compounding if left untreated. We all are discontent with what we have especially when we compare ourselves with others and realize that we are in no position to match them. This is quite evident in today’s generation more so than at any other time; we have indulged in a kind of a rat race which doesn’t end till we stop breathing. We can crib, moan and lament at how much more others have. Such feelings will take us only to the road to materialistic and sadistic pleasures.

Everyone has a variety of reasons to be discontented. Some may feel they are not doing well enough in life to buy a big car, house wives may feel their house is uglier than others and the list goes on and on. But, what we tend to forget is realizing that we too are special in our own way; everyone has different talent, skill and ability. We can always strive to better ourselves. Okay, I cannot be like a certain famous person but I can always try to improve myself. Sometimes, if we get detached from all these external pressures and let our minds to function smoothly then there is always a likelihood of achieving the desired result. Many of our great leaders have stressed on the view that we have to constantly evolve to survive. And if we are caught up in a web of discontentment and resentment then there is little scope for improvement.

Another way of shrugging off this problem is ‘Positive Benchmarking’. This is gaining popularity in the corporate circles. We can wake up any morning and feel low about the things. Your Car’s AC is not working properly or you are forced to prepare that important presentation late at night. And if you are a homemaker then if your maid is on leave then you tend to feel a bit down. So, yes both of these people have a reason to feel discontented.

But, wait how many of us have cars? How many of us have those well paying jobs? How many of us have maids in our houses? The moment we realize the answers of these questions then a certain level of calmness comes back. We cannot escape the truth and the truth is that we belong to a very privileged class of people and have very less reasons to be discontented. We have benchmarked ourselves against millions of Indians who are without electricity, education, food and clothes leave alone car and a well paid job.

We need to have that positive benchmarking in life to gain utmost satisfaction and if we end up comparing ourselves with the people who have achieved greatly in life then we are bound to feel down, unhappy. The key lies in our efforts to improve ourselves as a person. And, as I have said earlier everyone’s blessed with different abilities so it would be unfair to compare and judge the success of a particular individual with another.

Mahatma Gandhi had once said ‘There is enough for the world’s needs, but not enough for the world’s greed’. I completely agree with this.